I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
