i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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