Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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