If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
