Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
