Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
