I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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