1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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