he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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