i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
