I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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