I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
