I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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