Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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