scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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