So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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