so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
