p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
