I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
