Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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