if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
