All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
