Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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