You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
