WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
