It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
