I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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