Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
