Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are we still banned from the library?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
