just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
