I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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