I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
