Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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