the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
