...so i touched it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
