Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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