I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
