I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
