Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
