If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
