Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
