I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
