it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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