I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
