I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
