OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
