How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
