its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
