I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
