i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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