I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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