At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
