Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
