I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
