Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
