Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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