His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
