oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
