mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
