My hand turned me down
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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