I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
