My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
