the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
